am i dead?
did it happen?
did i die?
i cant move. i cant see. but i can hear: clicking, beeping, footsteps, unfamiliar voices, cryptic loudspeaker announcement. hospital noises. i try to listen to the
voices, but they float in and out in waves. they talk a lot about urine flow. sometimes they say my name.
no. i must still be in here, somewhere.
im thinking im in a coma. and im thinking it could be worse. a coma has its obvious drawbacks, but at least you get to catch up on your sleep. And if nothing else, its a spectacular excuse for eavesdropping. the downside is, most of the conversations are about urine.
i sleep
i wake up
i hear the quick click of high heels from down the hall. mom.they get closer and closer. i feel her presence beside me.
"can she hear me?" mom asks
"yup," the nurse says
"im here, baby," she whispers
i fall asleep, then wake up to dad's voice
...
hi, big brother. i try. still no wordsshit. this better not be permanent
"Andrea," mom whispers to me, "squeeze my hand."
OK. i tell my brain to, do it. i command my brain to make my hand move. it doesn't happen. i try again. it doesn't happen. frustration starts to simmer inside me.
i am not helpless
i do not do helplessi hear my mom and the nurse talking. they're bringing me out of the coma, but its going to be gradual. im fighting the sleep, hard, but it wins again.
...
this whole paragraph is extracted from GLAMOUR june 2008
under life & happiness, pg 150
titled: i want my life back
by: andrea coller
judge said: i really enjoyed the uppity, non-self-pitying, pugnacious tone of this piece
another judge said: the reader lives andrea's experience with her
fyi
its a true story
a true experience
a winning piece of GLAMOUR's personal essay contest
out of almost 2000 entries
and she's only 27 years old
i dont know what to say
congratulations on winning the contest?
congratulations on survivng till now?
its not easy having the cancer being in remission
3 times
you're strong and i want to be you?
remember the post i had about the morbid dream i had
this was the exact same feeling i felt
GOD, MAKE HER STRONG AND STRONGER with love.
please.
anyways i had another weird dream
about this camera
one girl who was shot by this camera died
and i tried to kill jiayi by asking her to pose for the camera
irritating the hell outta her cause she had alot of work to do
though im not sure why
cause we have already grad and i dont have work to do
the jiayi in my dream is rude and doesnt care about friends
we were good friends
2 random people ask me to take photos for them..
after that
i asked jiayi to accompany me to the canteen to get food
she refused =(
anyway we were at this long bench
there were other random people we dont know too
i went to the canteen to get a drink
the western food lady becomes the drink stall auntie
and i was tempted to get seeweed chicken
the xerox/zorex lady becomes the chinese stall lady
went back to the long bench and realised i bought food before
there was red apple and pork chop
then tom appeared and showed us matthew's blog
about this one post during internship
where mat whined about it being hot and walking so much
even though he was an assistant music something
and didnt need to do much on shoot
and then tom caleb mat and i had to rush to do our freelance
and suddenly tom and i were experimenting camera techniques in the night
we were near randall's house
and we said hi when he walked pass
i cant rmb what else happened
stupid weird dream
everything's unreal
